It needs a bird, but none of them cooperated.

 

Yesterday, I stayed home from a Sisters in Crime meeting because my husband, Handy Harry Homeowner, meant to spare me the noise and commotion of fixing the deck. He’d arranged to do the loud work while I was away for the morning. Ever-confident, he planned to surgically remove a ruined plank from the back deck using an electric saw to dismember the plank instead of prying it out. Handy Homeowners of greater-than-spring-chicken-age need to work smarter, not harder.

I meant to attend our Border Crimes chapter first-Saturday-of-the-month meeting. However, while scrambling to eat my eggs, the maniacal whine of the saw taunted me. I tensed when it slowed to a growl as it bit into the plank’s thickness. My mind, fiction-trained through years of reading how-to-write books (conflict! conflict! conflict!) and conditioned to think of fictional disasters with which to plague characters, could imagine Chekhov’s saw. Don’t show the weapon if you’re not going to use it. One slip and blood would be everywhere. With Handy Harry home alone, I couldn’t chance it. So I stayed.

For an hour, the saw screamed at the plank as if taking revenge for insults to its mother. Handy Harry pulled and pounded with the crowbar — no bit of decking would defeat him. Plank body parts accumulated on the top rail of the deck with rusty nails protruding from them like dragon’s teeth. They looked as if they were waiting to sink into the pink flesh of a carelessly-placed hand. A gap between the remaining planks lay in wait for just one misstep, just one. Sipping tea while working on a story draft (conflict!), I remained watchful.

After Harry had the plank pieces out, of course I needed to create a photo-documentary of his work — that’s how we keep track of which home repairs have happened, and when. Carrying my small camera for the snapshots, I opened the porch door as I’ve done thousands of times over the years. I stepped out, my mind on lens and shutter settings. My foot hit the doormat and, quicker than thought, my left leg shot forward. My right leg remained planted inside the doorway but didn’t support me and bent. My right knee slammed into the porch planks. The doormat had slid when I stepped on it.

(Why is it always the knees? Why? Ever since high school basketball, it’s been the _knees_.)

Harry was engrossed. He noticed nothing. I’d have thought that me cannonballing into the wooden porch would generate a significant boom, but Harry has laser-focus. I wanted tea and sympathy and cries of oh-my-poor-dear, if not a call to 911, but if I sat there in the open door I knew a cat, or two or three, was bound to amble out to the screened-porch. Seeing me-on-the-floor, and being clever, they’d know I couldn’t run interference. The open door would beckon and he, she, or they, would make a break. Waiting for the unlikely event of spousal concern, probably couched as, “What the hell are you doing down there?”, or the likely event of a cat escape that would have me limping after a frisky feline in an OJ Simpson/Bronco highway chase around the backyard, left me with no choice. I had to get up — but not before I took a picture.

 

Beware the treachery of doormats.
I’d have dressed better if I’d known I’d be blog-worthy.

As a result of the porch-capades, I’m the bearer of a silver-dollar-sized scrape & bruise on my previously-not-injured knee. (the story about the other knee — injured a few months ago — is less interesting than the story of this knee; even doctors yawn and ask if that’s all for now) The camera sustained nothing more than a slight bout of ‘we hit an air-pocket!’ as I descended.

My good deed of missing my meeting just in case a home maintenance project turned into a horror novel wound up with me sporting an ice pack on my knee and acting as the complaint desk for various muscle groups up and down the body. The ribs were annoyed at that twist in the story. The lower back objected to me having followed the clue that the project was wrapping up and needed documenting. The injured knee felt frail and needed hearty applications of the aforementioned tea and sympathy. The other knee whined that life isn’t fair and it wanted a happy ending.

Handy Harry was fine and proceeded to pound nails into the new plank (from the sounds, he and the weighted mallet were working out issues!). The deck looks much better. I, though, was left looking forward to an Epsom salts bath. The cats never showed any interest.

 

Harry Homeowner’s handiwork

In case you haven’t read, a good portion of the United States will be under part of the path of the moon’s shadow for a total eclipse of the sun on August 21st. I’m very lucky in that I’ll be close enough to the path of totality to probably have a 99% experience.

Many years ago, I was near the path of a solar eclipse, but well away from the path of totality — near this map’s N in Maryland — and I still remember the dimming of the afternoon light.

That eclipse was way pre-Internet, so we didn’t have the daily buzz of Facebook updates, all the websites, and the sale of eclipse-viewing glasses to keep us jazzed in the weeks before the event. (last week, I bought enough ISO-rated specs for the entire family at a local science museum) I must have known about the 1970 eclipse, but I was indoors when it happened. Despite me being in the house, and despite the lack of eclipse-capable photo equipment, that partial eclipse was impressive.

Skipping to the present, in a recent Facebook discussion, an online friend was saddened because she wasn’t able to buy a filter for her camera in time. She’d like photos of the eclipse, but thinks that ruining her camera’s sensor by aiming it at the sun without filters is rather a high price to pay for (maybe) a snapshot. I tend to agree. (!!!)  I suggested that she could make an old-old-fashioned pinhole camera and take photos of the images made with it.

Luckily, I can provide instructions.

Years ago, but not as many years ago as the eclipse I experienced, I made a camera obscura ‘just because.’ I had recently concluded homeschooling three of my four kids and was apparently suffering withdrawal from science projects. As the withdrawal and the project both happened during the Age of the Internet, I have online pictures of my fun at another of my blogs, Happy as Kings (the instructions I mentioned).

 

The oldest and the newest

A pinhole camera I made from a couple of pasteboard boxes, a sheet of typing paper, and some electrical tape (because it’s lightproof).
The large hole isn’t the pinhole, but is the opening for my digital camera so I could take pictures of the pinhole images.

 

If you don’t have filters for your cameras or for your camera phones and you want to take pictures of the eclipse, give the pinhole camera a try.

To increase your chances of taking a recognizable picture, be sure to test the cameras before the eclipse:
— so that you have a functioning pinhole apparatus
— so that your digital camera settings will capture an image
— so that you’ll have figured out how to hold everything in place (a tripod is best, but a pillow arrangement on a table might work)
— and so you’ve had a few dry runs for experience.

Good luck, and happy eclipse viewing.

I was putting myself in the mood for making up my lies — uh, writing my stories — and I was virtually strolling around a country path near Fulda, Germany when I chanced upon my daughter’s dog, Rocco, doing the same thing.  Good thing I had some dog biscuits in my pocket.

Strolling around the Rhön in Germany via Google Cardboard.

 

Me feeding dog biscuits to Rocco over our garden gate.

What it is.

 

Google’s Cardboard function is an application that works in conjunction with a viewing box that fits 4” – 6” phones. Using Cardboard is like looking into a Harry Potter Viewmaster — the view moves as your head scans the displayed scene. Peekaboo totaliarmus!

It’s almost like being there, wherever “there” is.

 

Google Cardboard stereoscopic view.
This view is of one of my former homes — favorite destinations for me. In the late 1980s, me, my husband, and our kids lived in the Perlacher Forst housing area of the Munich Army military community. Our apartment was the one on the 2nd floor.

 

Where you can go.

 

If Google Street View cars or walkers have gone there, you can go there, too.

All it takes is a smart phone with the Cardboard app loaded, choosing a Street View location, tapping on the Cardboard viewer icon, plopping your phone in your Cardboard viewer, and looking into the viewer. The thrill of Potteresque apparating, but without the danger of being splinched.

 

Why to go.

 

The cost of any Cardboard viewer is cheaper than any ticket to faraway lands.

Other perks are:
No suitcase to lug.
No lines at airports or other travel departure points.
No waiting for your color to be called when debarking from a ship.
No electrical transformer thingamajigs needed.
No visa needed (although maybe a Visa).

You also get to sleep in your own bed afterward, but maybe that’s just important for people who’ve had to sleep in many, many different beds.

In any case, for the cost of about a meal for two at Mickey D’s, you can have armchair travel adventures from around the world.

 

Bon voyage!  Gute Reise!  Happy Trails!

 

 

04 Stonehenge

Stonehenge visitor center: To navigate on Google Maps, mouse over the small map in the lower left hand corner on the Google Maps screen. The blue dots are static images, such as this one. The viewer can look around, but can’t walk anywhere. For the ability to move, click on one of the blue lines in the small lower-left map and then either click farther along the blue line, or click on the map image.

 

In light of the potentially disrupting news from the House of Representatives today, I needed to get away for a while. The easiest way to do this, and also to be able to sleep in my own bed, is by taking a trip on Google Maps. Tonight’s visit is to Stonehenge.

The interesting aspect of virtually visiting Stonehenge is that in addition to driving around the henge on the local roads that have been maintained as smaller secondary roads, the viewer can also take a walking tour among the stones.

The picture in the screen shot is of the Visitor Center and shows what I think are representative dwellings where the people who built Stonehenge lived. To get to Stonehenge itself, click on the small lower-left map at Google Maps and navigate by following the blue lines (it’s a bit of a ‘drive’ to the right) and blue dots. Or click here if you’re in a hurry.

I enjoyed the drive from the village to the east and my stroll around the monument. I hope you do, too.

Tonight’s virtual visit was to the island of Shetland. This visit was inspired by the televised version of Ann Cleeves’s story, Dead Water, on Netflix.

At the link, click on the road to “drive” into the town of Lerwick. If you turn around (use the cursor to pull the picture one way or the other), you’ll be facing the sea. I can imagine the Vikings coming over the horizon.

Can you see them, too?

Google Maps view of the ocean from just outside Lerwick, Shetland.

My evening hobby is traveling via Google Maps. It’s cheap. It’s easy. I get to sleep in my own bed when the journey is over.

I like visiting places where I’ve lived and with fifty addresses over a life in and around the military, I have plenty to choose from. My former home in Belgium now has new living room windows; one of my German homes has solar panels on its roof; other homes no longer exist.

I like to take virtual trips to places where friends live or have lived. My best friend when I was 11 moved to Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada when his dad was transferred, so I made a virtual visit the other night although I’m sure he no longer lives there. None of us live where we used to.

I also like “driving” to places I want to visit — (cue Abbot & Costello) Ni-Ag-Ara Falls!

Tonight’s visit is to Agatha Christie’s home, Greenway. I lived in England when I was a child, but, of course, no one ever took me to visit Mrs. Christie. I don’t know that either of us would have got much out of a visit.

On searching Google Maps for Greenway, I was thrilled to find that the service has a 360 degree view of the front lawn of Greenway, an interactive street view drive down two of the lanes leading to the home, and the 360 degree view on the dock on the River Dart.

 

Google Map’s panoramic view of the front lawn of Greenway.

Seeing where my favorite author lived and wrote the books I so enjoy adds a layer of appreciation to my reading.

 

Other Greenway websites: